“The act of dying is one of the acts of life”
– Marcus Aurelius
By Darity Wesley
The fear of death is something most people share, yet we avoid talking about it as if silence might make it disappear. The unspoken message in Western Society is just keep that to yourself! We’re not talking about that now… oh no, it is too sad, too tough, too hard to think about.
It’s true that death remains a great mystery. It is truly one of the central issues around which religion and philosophy and science have wrestled since the beginning of human history. Even though dying is as natural part of existence, death continues to be viewed as a taboo topic. People who talk or think about death are considered morbid, depressed, pessimistic or even neurotic. Rather than having open discussions, we tend to view death as the feared enemy that can and should be defeated at all costs by modern medicine and machines.
Our language reflects this “battle” mentality. Just think of the things we say. We are going to “fight” this illness, we are going to “beat it” or we even “fall victim” to some trauma.
We also use euphemisms to distance ourselves from our discomfort with death… people pass away, have gone to meet their maker, are no longer with us, have kicked the bucket. There are more, for sure, but that is one way we deal with the issue.
A lot of the discomfort with the death and dying processes comes about because in the old days, folks would die at home surrounded by family and friends. Family and friends were part and parcel of the sacred process that it is. Now most folks die in hospitals and other health care facilities sometimes alone, without family and friends. (Although that’s not necessarily a bad thing, as we all really die alone.)
Generally speaking, approximately 30% of people die at home in the United States. This figure has steadily declined from about 66% in 1930. The majority of deaths now occur in institutional settings like hospitals and nursing homes. This lack of personal experience with death and dying adds to our sense of trepidation and fear and, of course, it’s human nature to try to avoid things we fear.
Because we are afraid, we tend to avoid thinking about our own mortality. It’s time to adjust our thinking. We live in a unique era, thanks to medical advances. More of us are dying of so-called “incremental” or “slower moving” illnesses. As a result many have been given the gift of time and the ability to shape their death and dying process. Many of us now have the luxury of expressing and recording medical care and financial wishes in advance.
In order to have a good death we want to prepare in advance for our own death as well to have as well as to help those we love that are dying, grieving the onset of illness or just curious about what to do. We want to contemplate death. Break the taboo on the subject. Have open discussions and open our minds to reduce the fear and stress associated with this sacred process we all will experience.
“Thinking and talking about death need not be morbid; They may be quite the opposite. Ignorance and fear of death overshadowed life, while knowing and accepting death eases this shadow.”
Lily Pincus ~ British social worker and psychotherapist
© Copyright 2025 Darity Wesley. All Rights Reserved.